Initial batch of memoirs and theme changes

19 files changed, 175 insertions, 0 deletions

diff --git a/config.toml b/config.toml
index 62c4916..480bb94 100644
--- a/config.toml
+++ b/config.toml
@@ -20,3 +20,4 @@ disableFastRender=true
 	recipe = "recipe"
 	dream = "dream"
 	language = "language"
+	memoir = "memoir"
diff --git a/content/memoirs/_index.md b/content/memoirs/_index.md
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..39f72e4
--- /dev/null
+++ b/content/memoirs/_index.md
@@ -0,0 +1,6 @@
+---
+layout: memoirs
+title: Memoirs
+---
+
+A few short stories from my life, crudley categoriesed by time period. This all started after reading [Bob Mortimer's autobiography](https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/57513156-and-away) and I decided to note down a few stories that stuck out in my mind.
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diff --git a/content/memoirs/bnp-teacher.md b/content/memoirs/bnp-teacher.md
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..9a2eb51
--- /dev/null
+++ b/content/memoirs/bnp-teacher.md
@@ -0,0 +1,8 @@
+---
+title: BNP teacher
+memoir: sixthform
+---
+
+While in Sixth Form, I had a moderate amount of respect for an eccentric science teacher who took no nonsense, spoke his mind and was overall a very matter of fact kind of guy.
+
+Around this time, in 2008, there [was a leak of the BNP membership database](https://wikileaks.org/wiki/British_National_Party_membership_and_contacts_list,_2007-2008) that when searched contained this teachers name, address and phone number. We knew from general conversations we'd had with him that this was definitely him.
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diff --git a/content/memoirs/bribery-bakery.md b/content/memoirs/bribery-bakery.md
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..cd8927e
--- /dev/null
+++ b/content/memoirs/bribery-bakery.md
@@ -0,0 +1,10 @@
+---
+title: Bribery bakery
+memoir: college
+---
+
+While at college, on our usual walks to the usual [sandwich shop](/memoirs/yer-prawns/) we used to have to walk past a significantly more upmarket sandwich shop and the owners had obviously noticed the rabble of teenage boys with jingling change in their pockets each and every day walking past.
+
+One day, on our way back we were ambushed by the owner of the shop who jumped out in front of us, thrusting a dainty package of assorted bakes goods at us, encouraging us to share them with our friends. We ate a good half of the box on our way back to college but did share the remaining sweet treats out later.
+
+We did on a couple of occasions return to this fancier sandwich shop, but it was a monthly treat as opposed to the daily cheapo equivalent.
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diff --git a/content/memoirs/car-carry.md b/content/memoirs/car-carry.md
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..be484af
--- /dev/null
+++ b/content/memoirs/car-carry.md
@@ -0,0 +1,8 @@
+---
+title: Car carry
+memoir: college
+---
+
+Out of the total class of maybe 20 pupils, maybe four actually had their own cars and it was seen as quite a prestigious thing as our viable lunch radius was greatly expanded. As we were also dickhead teenage boys, we also used to [mess about with these vehicles](/memoirs/car-snails/) at certain points.
+
+One boy, known only as /Kenco/ as he was slightly tanned had a knackered old Ford which he was sat in one lunch time. We all huddled around the car, picking it up by the wheel arches and frog marched the entire vehicle between two bollards further back in the car park so the car was stuck without it being carried out again. With this we all walked away but were told off after lunch by the Colleges' administrator and told to return it to its' original parking spot.
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diff --git a/content/memoirs/car-snails.md b/content/memoirs/car-snails.md
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..cf72e1f
--- /dev/null
+++ b/content/memoirs/car-snails.md
@@ -0,0 +1,12 @@
+---
+title: Car snails
+memoir: college
+---
+
+While in college, out of our class of about 20 students everyone for the most part got along except for one person called Danny. He was an enormous guy, spoke with a thick accent and was just generally quite mean spirited in general.
+
+We mostly stayed out of his way, but every now and again we'd plot and scheme a little to inconvenience him in whichever small ways we knew we could get away with.
+
+This was in the middle of summer, and he owned a knackered old Toyota Avensis with a sun roof that he'd leave open on hot days to avoid the stifling heat of getting back in the car once college was over. While walking back from our usual [sandwich shop](/memoirs/yer-prawns/) we walked past a large metal gate that had hundreds of little snails crawling around it. We picked up a few by their shells, walked back to the college's car park and after a brief discussion, poked them through the gap in Danny's sun roof.
+
+Nothing really came of this for a few days until one of our group let it slip and asked if he'd found more snails than usual in the car. He was furious, and actually smashed up the college a little while we were just laughing at him. I don't know if he ever did find any snails, but we must have put at least five in the car.
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diff --git a/content/memoirs/construction-work.md b/content/memoirs/construction-work.md
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..45466ff
--- /dev/null
+++ b/content/memoirs/construction-work.md
@@ -0,0 +1,8 @@
+---
+title: Construction work
+memoir: juniorschool
+---
+
+The junior school that I attended to was an old, sandstone, Victorian building. During lunches, me and a couple of my friends would play a game called *construction work* in which we'd take paperclips, unfold them and then slowly chisel away at the stonework of the building and playground.
+
+One memory that really sticks out in my mind was of the group of three or four of us, one of us had decided to start this construction work on the head teachers offices' window sill which we all thought was risky, but very cool.
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diff --git a/content/memoirs/dropped-drillbit.md b/content/memoirs/dropped-drillbit.md
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..a9a85b0
--- /dev/null
+++ b/content/memoirs/dropped-drillbit.md
@@ -0,0 +1,11 @@
+---
+title: Dropped drillbit
+memoir: nursery
+---
+
+The nursery I attended was train themed as it was next door to a train station, from what I recall the actual building itself was a couple of converted train carriages.
+One lunch time, I was playing with a plastic drill that had interchangeable bits that would light up and make noise when you pulled the trigger.
+
+While changing these drill bits I dropped one of them and the piece fell down a gap between the building and a staircase that wasn't especially well guarded against things like this happenening. The bright plastic bit contrasting against the gloomy staircase
+
+I panicked knowing the full set of drill bits wouldn't be returned and was sure I'd get into trouble with the teachers.
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diff --git a/content/memoirs/first-donation.md b/content/memoirs/first-donation.md
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..d6b0820
--- /dev/null
+++ b/content/memoirs/first-donation.md
@@ -0,0 +1,10 @@
+---
+title: First donation
+memoir: sixthform
+---
+
+While I was in high school, we'd heard rumours that you could miss lessons if you donated blood whenever the blood people visited in their truck.
+
+Never one to turn down the possibility of a little skive here and there, I signed up during a science less and spent the next 30 minutes laid down in a chair donating blood, eating biscuits and feeling quite pleased with myself.
+
+Since that day, I continued donating blood and legitimately look forward to my appointments.
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diff --git a/content/memoirs/network-traffic.md b/content/memoirs/network-traffic.md
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..41726c2
--- /dev/null
+++ b/content/memoirs/network-traffic.md
@@ -0,0 +1,6 @@
+---
+title: Network traffic
+memoir: college
+---
+
+Again, while at college we had managed to get a copy of Halo 1 onto the network and were playing multiplayer [Blood Gulch](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blood_Gulch) with reckless abandon. The administrator of the college stormed into the classroom and told us that she could see we were all playing games and we should knock it off. We all agreed to this before just starting up the next game immediately after the door was closed.
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diff --git a/content/memoirs/shitty-lateness.md b/content/memoirs/shitty-lateness.md
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..9650ef6
--- /dev/null
+++ b/content/memoirs/shitty-lateness.md
@@ -0,0 +1,10 @@
+---
+title: Shitty lateness
+memoir: sixthform
+---
+
+While in sixth-form, we had a [fearsome science teacher](/memoirs/bnp-teacher/) who took no prisoners.
+
+One of my friends in this class who was never the most punctual was around 10 minutes late one day for this class and when he bustled through the door this teacher demanded to know why the student was late.
+
+Without hesitation, the student simply answered "I stood in some shit, sir". The class were all pretty taken aback with this frankness and expected the teacher to raise hell but he softened, shrugged and said "That's fair, take your seat" and nothing more was said on the matter
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diff --git a/content/memoirs/silent-room.md b/content/memoirs/silent-room.md
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..83953d9
--- /dev/null
+++ b/content/memoirs/silent-room.md
@@ -0,0 +1,6 @@
+---
+title: Silent room
+memoir: college
+---
+
+On my first day of college, I'd arrived at the building by bus not knowing a single other person there. We were all shuttled to the upstairs break room where we all just sat in silence for a solid 10 minutes before somebody recognised another student from a previous school and with that the silence was broken and everybody began chatting amongst themselves.
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diff --git a/content/memoirs/the-interview.md b/content/memoirs/the-interview.md
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..11e5583
--- /dev/null
+++ b/content/memoirs/the-interview.md
@@ -0,0 +1,8 @@
+---
+title: The interview
+memoir: college
+---
+
+As part of the college admissions process, we had a mock interview where I attended dressed in a suit and followed through like a legitimate job interview.
+
+At one point of this, the interviewer asked me a couple of sample IT centric questions from a book he had. At no point did he indicate whether or not I'd answered them correctly so at the end of the interview I asked him if I'd got the questions correct. He gave me a vague shrug and replied that he didn't even know himself.
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diff --git a/content/memoirs/vended-cups.md b/content/memoirs/vended-cups.md
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..9c03d0c
--- /dev/null
+++ b/content/memoirs/vended-cups.md
@@ -0,0 +1,16 @@
+---
+title: Vended cups
+memoir: college
+---
+
+In the break room at college we had a water cooler and a hot drinks vending machine, as the water cooler was free we inevitably used up all the disposable cups while the vending machine was left relatively untouched.
+
+We discovered one morning you could reach up into the vending machine and pull out the cups that the machine dispensed, then use those for water.
+
+We had a hapless and somewhat autistic student in this college who one morning decided to try and vend a hot chocolate. He inserted his money, pressed the option, and the vending machine which was now left sans-cups just poured hot chocolate straight into the machines drain.
+
+The student was absolutely furious with this and started bawling his eyes out as the rest of us mercilles students just laughed at his misfortune.
+
+The colleges' administrator came up to see what all the racket was about and proceeded to give us all a bollocking for 'damaging' the machine and wasting food.
+
+One of our cockier students retorted that if there were sufficient cups for the water, we wouldn't have had to resort to stealing from the other machine
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diff --git a/content/memoirs/wasp-sting.md b/content/memoirs/wasp-sting.md
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..4a23095
--- /dev/null
+++ b/content/memoirs/wasp-sting.md
@@ -0,0 +1,8 @@
+---
+title: Wasp sting
+memoir: nursery
+---
+
+While at nursery, I remember playing out in the sun one day during a break. I was on a blue plastic tractor and an insect landed on the tractors' bonnet. Unbeknownst to me this insect was a wasp. I grabbed at the wasp managing to cup it in my hand when it inevitably stung me.
+
+I remember the pain being unlike anything I'd ever experienced at that point and cried for a long time. To date, this is the only time I've been stung by a wasp or a bee.
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diff --git a/content/memoirs/wpa-patching.md b/content/memoirs/wpa-patching.md
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..412ae9c
--- /dev/null
+++ b/content/memoirs/wpa-patching.md
@@ -0,0 +1,10 @@
+---
+title: WPA patching
+memoir: college
+---
+
+While at college, as we were studying for an IT course we ended up running a lot of virtual machines for Windows Server 2003, and Windows XP Pro clients.
+
+One of the unforseen side effects of this however was that there was a 30 day countdown after install that couldn't really be avoided. One by one, virtual machines would end up being un-bootable due to Windows Product Activation.
+
+Being the spritely scallywag that I was, I knew of an activation patcher and made `winlogon.exe` patches and registry scripts that would handily bypass this restoring the virtual machines to their former glory. These patches were installed on literally every machine by the end of the term.
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diff --git a/content/memoirs/yer-prawns.md b/content/memoirs/yer-prawns.md
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..02c1a90
--- /dev/null
+++ b/content/memoirs/yer-prawns.md
@@ -0,0 +1,6 @@
+---
+title: Y'er prawns
+memoir: college
+---
+
+When I was at college, we usually walked to a nearby cheap and cheerful sandwich shop for lunch. For the past few days I'd ordered prawn salad sandwiches. The two women that worked at the shop had to hurridly defrost the prawns once the order was placed, so on the next day day when I went, one of the women rushed out, overjoyed to see the group of us, while nearly dancing exclaiming "I've got y'er prawns!"
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diff --git a/themes/Brine/layouts/_default/baseof.html b/themes/Brine/layouts/_default/baseof.html
index 8fd4910..f626b7a 100644
--- a/themes/Brine/layouts/_default/baseof.html
+++ b/themes/Brine/layouts/_default/baseof.html
@@ -37,6 +37,7 @@
 		<li><a href="/reading-list/">Reading List</a></li>
 		<li><a href="/hardware/">Hardware</a></li>
 		<li><a href="/dreams/">Dreams</a></li>
+		<li><a href="/memoirs/">Memoirs</a></li>
 		<li><a href="/languages/">Languages</a></li>
 		<li><a href="/recipes/">Recipes</a></li>
 		<li><a href="/status/">Server Status</a></li>
diff --git a/themes/Brine/layouts/_default/memoirs.html b/themes/Brine/layouts/_default/memoirs.html
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..6b6fb86
--- /dev/null
+++ b/themes/Brine/layouts/_default/memoirs.html
@@ -0,0 +1,30 @@
+{{ define "main" }}	<h1>{{ .Title }}</h1>
+	{{ .Content }}
+	<details>
+		<summary>College</summary>
+		<ul>{{ range sort .Site.Taxonomies.memoir.college ".Page.RelPermalink" "desc" }}
+			<li><a href="{{ .Page.RelPermalink }}">{{ .Page.Title }}</a></li>{{ end }}
+		</ul>
+	</details>
+
+	<details>
+		<summary>Sixth Form</summary>
+		<ul>{{ range sort .Site.Taxonomies.memoir.sixthform ".Page.RelPermalink" "desc" }}
+			<li><a href="{{ .Page.RelPermalink }}">{{ .Page.Title }}</a></li>{{ end }}
+		</ul>
+	</details>
+
+	<details>
+		<summary>Junior School</summary>
+		<ul>{{ range sort .Site.Taxonomies.memoir.juniorschool ".Page.RelPermalink" "desc" }}
+			<li><a href="{{ .Page.RelPermalink }}">{{ .Page.Title }}</a></li>{{ end }}
+		</ul>
+	</details>
+
+	<details>
+		<summary>Nursery</summary>
+		<ul>{{ range sort .Site.Taxonomies.memoir.nursery ".Page.RelPermalink" "desc" }}
+			<li><a href="{{ .Page.RelPermalink }}">{{ .Page.Title }}</a></li>{{ end }}
+		</ul>
+	</details>
+{{ end }}
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