--- title: Quotes layout: single --- Quotes I've found in and around the Internet, collected because they make me smile. Check the page source if you want to see some commented sources. >:(){ :|: & };: >[brackets], (parentheses) and {squirlies} >7/11 was a part time job >A friend to all is a friend to none >A little bit of everything, all of the time >A priest, a minister and a rabbit walk into a blood bank. The rabbit says "I think I might be type-o" >Abandon hope all ye who enter here >Abort, she's onto us >Ambition makes you look pretty ugly >Apply the handbrake ya dumb broad >Are we still in denial when we know we're not happy here >Aryan Tupac >As above, so below >Back to the Pleistocene >Be cheerful, enjoy your life >Be excellent to each other >Being pissed off is better than being pissed on >Better one day as a lion than a hundred days as a sheep >Bread and circuses >Brevity is the soul of wit >Bring snacks and supplies >Buckle Up Buckaroo >Bugger this for a game of soldiers >But that's just a theory >Caedite eos. Novit enim Dominus qui sunt eius >Call me Ishmael >Carne Por la Machina >C'est la vie >Coins I flip land on their sides >CSS is Awesome >Curious and curiouser >d'ä e å, å i åa ä e ö >Damnation, for this? >Defer your gratification >Deus vult >Diamonds are intrinsically worthless >Did he have hands? Did he have a face? >Did you see that ludicrous display last night >Do androids dream of dick? >Don't sweat the small stuff >Don't worry, it'll evaporate >Down here, salt is a way of life >Each of us fights for what he lacks most >En svensk tiger >Errors by errorlight >Even a Q-tip-shaped, rough draft Pixar-looking motherfucker like you. >Ever felt the joy of karate chopping an ankle? >Every man has his price >Every sixty seconds in Africa, a minute passes >Everybody lies >Everyday we stray further from Saradomin's light >Extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence >Face down, ass up, I've fallen and I can't get up >Fan oven nonce >Feed me Seymore >Feels like we only go backwards >Follow the money >Forged bonds harm no one! >Friends have been urging me to write to you for the sake of humanity >Fuck off up the model village >Fuck the state >Furthermore, I consider that Carthage must be destroyed >Geography is destiny >Get used to disappointment >Glory to Arstotska >Greetings, proletariat >Guess this will be my last message. Good-bye, boys. >Guys literally only want one thing and it's fucking disgusting >Hail Hydra >Happy birthday to the ground >Have you hugged your Zords today? >Have you seen this chicken? >Having fun is not a waste of time >He has no wallet, I checked >Heavy wizardry begins here >Hell is real. Heaven is not >Hesitation is defeat >Hi, my name is Adobe and I'm a professional software suite >History vindicated Kaczynski >Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die >How dare you gamble with their souls >How far do you think I can kick this bucket? >Hurt people hurt people >I am never gonna financially recover from this >I am the milkman, my milk is delicious >I can't get enough of that wanky bread >I did not have sexual relations with that woman >I don't know about you, but I could murder a curry >I don't repeat gossip, so listen carefully >I had a plan for that rock >I hate to hate and I hate that >I have diplomatic immunity >I know it when I see it >I loathe Zuni aesthetics >I mentally shake hands with you for your answer >I must apologize for Wimp Lo... he is an idiot. We have purposely trained him wrong, as a joke. >I never saved anything for the swim back >I only doubted you up until the end >I pledge not to spill 4.9 million barrels of oil into the gulf of mexico >I regret learning to read >I saw her duck with my telescope >I suppose he meant well, but then so did Hitler >I think he took his wallet >I want to be cremated, and I want my ashes blown in Uri Geller's eyes >I would rather starve than eat your bread >If you could blow up the world with the flick of a switch would you do it? >If you die in Russia, you die in real life >If you don't stand for something, you'll be sure to fall for anything >If you know beans about chili, you know that chili has no beans >If you play your cards right, you might just get to meet the whole gang >If you see something, say nothing, and drink to forget >If you were any simpler you'd have to be watered every day >If you're not turned on to politics, politics will turn on you >I'm bleeding, making me the victor >I'm not a real doctor, But I am a real worm >I'm not complaining, I'm just explaining >I'm not giving my name to a machine >I'm not superstitious, but I am a little stitious. >In Scotland the forbidden fruit is fruit. >In war there are no winners, only widows >In your opinion, which country contributed most to the defeat of Germany in 1945? >Incidentally, my name is Gedächtnis >Into the incinerator you go >Is almond a fruit? >Is that a euphemism? >Is this capoeira? >ISO-8601 for life >It is a very comfortable hell >It is difficult to remember conversations one has while shooting on a grouse moor >It may not be a perfect system, but it's still the best one there is >It takes forever, until it doesn't >It's called a child-size soda because it is the size of a child >It's funny how a diagnosis can make things worse >It's not that I'm lazy, it's that I just don't care >It's not your pudding, you alzheimer's lout! >It's probably fine >I've got a horse called Treacle. It's got golden stirrups >Jeremy Irons lives in your garage >Jessie, you're a good dog >Just because you're paranoid, don't mean they're not after you >Just one cornetto >Keep it futile >keine gnade meine kinder >Learn to live on lentils and you will not have to be subservient to the king >Leave the handgun, take the cash >Let go or be dragged >Let nothing human be alien to you >Let's grow old together, and die at the same time >Let's see what life has installed for us >Like a boozy panda >Like with a cloth or something? >Long days and pleasant nights >Magic must defeat magic >Make your influence positive >Mark, be honest. Is this not a little bit better than being dead? >May you live in interesting times >Me? The one person I trusted most? >Monster Island's actually a peninsula >More similar than different >Mother, should I trust the government >Multiple exclamation marks are a sure sign of a diseased mind >Mustn't grumble >My disappointment is immeasurable, and my day is ruined >My Mill grinds Pepper, and Spice. Your Mill grinds Rats, and Mice >My name is Bolo Santosi, I am the leader of the revolutionary army known as the Reapers. >My tables are so clean you could eat off them >No capes >NO ESCAPE, NO SURRENDER, NO WITNESSES >No kali-ba >No one knows anything >Nothing cleans stubborn stains like suppressed anger >nofkyo >Not a hill I want to die on >Not great, not terrible >Not my circus, not my monkeys >Not today, old friend >Not waving, but drowning >Not your keys, not your coins >Nothing Is True and Everything Is Possible >Nothing will be born from hatred >Nunc id vides, nunc ne vides >Obscenity is the crutch of inarticulate motherfuckers >Off we go then >Oll Korrect >On the Internet, nobody knows you're a dog >One clown leg >Only a sith deals in absolutes >Outside of a Dog, a Book is Man's Best Friend. Inside of a Dog, It's Too Dark to Read >Peaceful sheep live happily eating grass >Pining for the fjords >Play stupid games, win stupid prizes >Please don't ask if I'm a real seagull, I think it's pretty obvious I am >Poverty has its freedoms; opulence has its obstacles >RAID is not backup >Reader beware, you're in for a slap >Reduce, Reuse, Recycle >Rosalind's a fucking nightmare >Roses are red, violets are blue, Unexpected '{' on line 32 >Row row. Fight the power >Run Joey, Run! You should be faster now! >Seldom surprised, often disappointed >Shh my child... Let's not do to anything too rash... >Shikata ga nai >Shooting stars only >Should I kill myself, or have a cup of coffee? >Sic semper tyrannis you fucking idiot >Silver or lead? >Six trombones is not a parade >Sleep is Just Death Being Shy >Smells like white spirit >Snifters of cognac for everyone >So it goes >Some men you just can't reach >Sometimes I work for the government >Sometimes maybe good, sometimes maybe shit >Sometimes war dreams of itself >Swansea is the graveyard of ambition >Tart baker >Tea. Earl Grey. Hot. >Tell me what you want, and I'll tell you if I'm free >Thank you for pressing the self-destruct button >Thanks, I hate it >That anime hologram's just not that into you >That's a maniac standpoint >That's my secret Cap'. I'm always tired. >That's not theft, that's sporting spirit >The beatings will continue until morale improves >The burned hand teaches best >The call of the void >The gaping maw of consumerism >The house always wins >The Industrial Revolution and its consequences have been a disaster for the human race >The mask is heavy today? >The patron saint of putting up with idiots >The things you own end up owning you >The truth shall set you free >The victim of a clerical error >The years start coming and they don't stop coming >Theoretical degree in physics >There can be only one >There it is again. That funny feeling. >There was blood in the kitchen, there was blood in the hall >They think your haircuts are un-American >Things won't always be this good >This better not awaken anything in me >This inhuman place makes human monsters >This is only a test of the emergency broadcast system >This is extremely dangerous to our democracy >This isn't horseplay, it's a major felony >This meme is already nothing but a memory >Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others. >Three men, two ladies >Tiny Terry loves his pickles >Trust, but verify >Two lovers missing the tranquility of solitude >'Tis a silly place >Tsundoku >Two hundred dollar, please >Two steps forward, three steps back >Use it up, wear it out, make it do, or do without >Vado a bordo, cazzo! >We cook bacon, but we bake cookies >We feel alone together >We'll burn that bridge when we get to it >Well I'm not here to fuck spiders >We've also arrested your older, balder, fatter son >Well. I guess there's nothing to do but lay here and wait to die >We're in a giant car heading towards a brick wall and everyones arguing over where they're going to sit >We've all technically kicked a pregnant woman >What a digital dummy >What a save! >What are you screaming for? I haven't even started cooking yet >What goes on in liminal space stays in liminal space, right? >What we've got here is failure to communicate >What's her name again? - Eileen, I think >What's it all about then? Seriously, when you get down to it >When should I start to worry? >Where dreams go to die >Who you calling a stalker? I'm not a stalker, you're a stalker! >With all the things you have in your life, are you any more happy than your dog? >wOrange, Orange, wGreen, Blue, wBlue, Green, wBrown, Brown >Ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you mad >Yes I can hear you Clem Fandango >Yes, even if they ask stupid questions >Yes, the planet got destroyed. But for a beautiful moment in time we created a lot of value for shareholders >You are being shagged by a rare parrot! >You are tending a plant that is dead >You can't eat your cake and have it too >You don't need a parachute to skydive. You need one to skydive twice >You guys have phones, don't you? >You load 16 tons, what do you get? >You need to work on your threats >You sound like my parole officer >You stay, I go. No following. >You want sympathy? It's in the dictionary, between shit and syphilis >You will find out what we make at the factory when you work at the factory >You wouldn't find Hitler playing jungle music at 3 o'clock in the morning >You'll Own Nothing and You'll Be Happy >Your friends are having children on purpose >Your proposal is acceptable >Your scientists were so preoccupied with whether or not they could that they didn't stop to think if they should. >Your stories have entertained me. I will let you into the cave for a short time. >You've got razzle-dazzle >πŸ‡¬πŸ‡§ English (Traditional), πŸ‡ΊπŸ‡Έ English (Simplified)