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title: Quotes
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Quotes I've found in and around the Internet, collected because they make me smile. Check the page source if you want to see some commented sources.


>7/11 was a part time job

>Abandon hope all ye who enter here <!-- Dante's Inferno -->

>Abort, she's onto us <!-- brooklyn nine-nine -->

>A friend to all is a friend to none <!-- aristotle -->

>A little bit of everything, all of the time <!-- bo burnham -->

>Ambition makes you look pretty ugly <!-- paranoid android -->

>And I say your 3 cent titanium tax doesn't go too far enough <!-- futurama -->

>Apply the handbrake ya dumb broad <!-- yu-gi-oh abridged -->

>A priest, a minister and a rabbit walk into a blood bank. The rabbit says "I think I might be type-o"

>Are we still in denial when we know we're not happy here <!-- outkast - hey ya -->

>Aryan Tupac

>As above, so below

>As mundane in texture as any novel I've ever written <!-- robert silverberg -->

>Back to the Pleistocene <!-- Edward Abbey -->

>:(){ :|: & };: <!-- bash forkbomb -->

>Be cheerful, enjoy your life <!-- turkish mosaic -->

>Be excellent to each other <!-- bill and ted -->

>Being pissed off is better than being pissed on

>Better one day as a lion than a hundred days as a sheep

>[brackets], (parentheses) and {squirlies}

>Bread and circuses <!-- juvenal, roman poet -->

>Brevity is the soul of wit

>Bring snacks and supplies <!-- red hot chili peppers - road trippin -->

>Buckle Up Buckaroo <!-- south park -->

>Bugger this for a game of soldiers

>Butter the toast, eat the toast, shit the toast. God, life’s relentless. <!-- peep show -->

>But that's just a theory <!-- game theory youtube -->

>Caedite eos. Novit enim Dominus qui sunt eius <!-- kill them all; let God sort them out -->

>Call me Ishmael <!-- moby dick -->

>Carne Por la Machina <!-- the expanse -->

>C'est la vie <!-- such is life -->

>Coins I flip land on their sides <!-- the automatic lyrics -->

>CSS is Awesome

>Curious and curiouser <!-- alice in wonderland -->

>Damnation, for this? <!-- Gladius -->

>d'&auml; e &aring;, &aring; i &aring;a &auml; e &ouml; <!-- there is a stream, and in the stream there is an island -->

>Defer your gratification

>Deus vult <!-- god wills it -->

>Diamonds are intrinsically worthless <!-- de beers chairman, nicky oppenheimer -->

>Did he have hands? Did he have a face? <!-- the wire -->

>Did you see that ludicrous display last night <!-- the it crowd -->

>Do androids dream of dick? <!-- misprinted book label -->

>Don't sweat the small stuff

>Don't worry, it'll evaporate <!-- spilt milk -->

>Down here, salt is a way of life <!-- how stuff works, salt mining -->

>Each of us fights for what he lacks most <!-- robert surcouf -->

>🇬🇧 English (Traditional), 🇺🇸 English (Simplified)

>En svensk tiger <!-- swedish propaganda -->

>Errors by errorlight

>Even a Q-tip-shaped, rough draft Pixar-looking motherfucker like you. <!-- solar opposites -->

>Ever felt the joy of karate chopping an ankle? <!-- lolnein -->

>Everybody lies <!-- house -->

>Everyday we stray further from Saradomin's light <!-- runescape -->

>Every man has his price <!-- harold robbins -->

>Every sixty seconds in Africa, a minute passes <!-- big man tyrone -->

>Extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence <!-- sagan -->

>Face down, ass up, I've fallen and I can't get up

>Fan oven nonce <!-- https://www.reddit.com/r/CasualUK/comments/n0m195/british_cuisine_is_bad_oh_yeah_think_again/gw87i5n/ -->

>Feed me Seymore <!-- little shop of horrors -->

>Feels like we only go backwards <!-- tame impala -->

>Follow the money <!-- all the presidents men -->

>Forged bonds harm no one! <!-- going postal TV series -->

>Friends have been urging me to write to you for the sake of humanity <!-- Gandhi -->

>Fuck off up the model village <!-- hot fuzz -->

>Fuck the state <!-- drug sniffing cats-->

>Furthermore, I consider that Carthage must be destroyed <!-- Cato the Censor -->

>Geography is destiny <!-- rare earth -->

>Get used to disappointment

>Glory to Arstotska <!-- papers please -->

>Go home and look at your wife's functional knee <!-- petals on the wind -->

>Greetings, proletariat <!-- georg rockall-scmidt -->

>Guess this will be my last message. Good-bye, boys. <!-- Vince Coleman -->

>Guys literally only want one thing and it's fucking disgusting <!-- ashcammm -->

>Hail Hydra <!-- avengers -->

>Happy birthday to the ground <!-- the lonely island -->

>Have you hugged your Zords today? <!-- power rangers movie -->

>Have you seen this chicken? <!-- wallace and gromitt -->

>Having fun is not a waste of time

>Heavy wizardry begins here

>He has no wallet, I checked <!-- the office -->

>Hell is real. Heaven is not

>Hello! I've just shot somebody and I did it on purpose. I said, I have murdered a man and I want to confess <!-- Last Action Hero -->

>Hesitation is defeat <!-- sekiro -->

>Hi, my name is Adobe and I'm a professional software suite <!-- dankpods -->

>History vindicated Kaczynski

>Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die <!-- fake buddhist quote -->

>How dare you gamble with their souls <!-- sealab 2021 -->

>How far do you think I can kick this bucket? <!-- joke punchline -->

>How will people know you're a special non-conformist without a non-confirmist uniform? <!-- georg rockall-scmidt -->

>Hurt people hurt people

>I am never gonna financially recover from this <!-- tiger king -->

>I am the milkman, my milk is delicious <!-- psychonauts -->

>I can't get enough of that wanky bread <!-- athletico mince, episode 63 -->

>I did not have sexual relations with that woman <!-- bill clinton -->

>I don't know about you, but I could murder a curry <!-- discworld -->

>I don't repeat gossip, so listen carefully

>If you could blow up the world with the flick of a switch would you do it? <!-- flaming lips -->

>If you die in Russia, you die in real life

>If you don't stand for something, you'll be sure to fall for anything <!-- aj whitney -->

>If you know beans about chili, you know that chili has no beans <!-- Kent Finlay -->

>If you play your cards right, you might just get to meet the whole gang <!-- anchorman -->

>If you're not turned on to politics, politics will turn on you <!-- ralph nader -->

>If you see something, say nothing, and drink to forget <!-- night vale -->

>If you were any simpler you'd have to be watered every day

>I had a plan for that rock <!-- hoarders -->

>I hate to hate and I hate that <!-- Till Lindemann -->

>I have diplomatic immunity <!-- lethal weapon 2 -->

>I know it when I see it

>I loathe Zuni aesthetics <!-- tales from the darkside -->

>I'm bleeding, making me the victor <!-- kung pow -->

>I mentally shake hands with you for your answer

>I'm escaping to the one place that hasn't been corrupted by capitalism <!-- red alert 3 -->

>I'm not a real doctor, But I am a real worm <!-- they might be giants -->

>I'm not complaining, I'm just explaining <!-- austin mcconnell -->

>I'm not giving my name to a machine <!-- futurama -->

>I'm not superstitious, but I am a little stitious. <!-- the office -->

>I must apologize for Wimp Lo... he is an idiot. We have purposely trained him wrong, as a joke. <!-- kung pow -->

>Incidentally, my name is Ged&auml;chtnis <!-- fireball -->

>I never saved anything for the swim back <!-- gattacca -->

>In Scotland the forbidden fruit is fruit. <!-- Gary Delaney -->

>Into the incinerator you go <!-- jonathan pie -->

>In war there are no winners, only widows <!-- arrival -->

>In your opinion, which country contributed most to the defeat of Germany in 1945? <!-- IFOP poll -->

>I only doubted you up until the end <!-- forager -->

>I pledge not to spill 4.9 million barrels of oil into the gulf of mexico <!-- andrew henderson -->

>I regret learning to read

>Is almond a fruit? <!-- nailed it -->

>I saw her duck with my telescope <!-- ambiguous sentence -->

>ISO-8601 for life

>Is that a euphemism?

>Is this capoeira? <!-- Fireball -->

>I suppose he meant well, but then so did Hitler <!-- Spike Milligan -->

>I think he took his wallet <!-- back to the future -->

>It is a very comfortable hell

>It is difficult to remember conversations one has while shooting on a grouse moor <!-- William Keswick -->

>It may not be a perfect system, but it's still the best one there is

>It's called a child-size soda because it is the size of a child <!-- parks and recreation -->

>It's funny how a diagnosis can make things worse

>It's not that I'm lazy, it's that I just don't care <!-- office space -->

>It's not your pudding, you alzheimer's lout! <!-- cloud atlas -->

>It's probably fine

>It takes forever, until it doesn't

>I've got a horse called Treacle. It's got golden stirrups <!-- tim vine -->

>I want to be cremated, and I want my ashes blown in Uri Geller's eyes <!-- James Randi -->

>I would rather starve than eat your bread <!-- pearl jam corduroy -->

>Jeremy Irons lives in your garage <!-- taskmaster -->

>Jessie, you're a good dog <!-- paw - jessie -->

>Just because you're paranoid, don't mean they're not after you <!-- joseph heller, kurt cobain -->

>Just one cornetto <!-- cornetto advert -->

>Keep it futile <!-- nathan barley -->

>keine gnade meine kinder <!-- no mercy, my children -->

>Ladders are always the correct option <!-- health and safety training -->

>Learn to live on lentils and you will not have to be subservient to the king <!-- Diogenes -->

>Leave the handgun, take the cash <!-- simple creatures - lucy -->

>Let go or be dragged

>Let nothing human be alien to you

>Let's grow old together, and die at the same time <!-- to lose my love -->

>Let's see what life has installed for us <!-- typo -->

>Like a boozy panda <!-- James Corden AMA -->

>Like with a cloth or something? <!-- Hillary Clinton -->

>Long days and pleasant nights <!-- dark tower book -->

>Magic must defeat magic <!-- jackie chan adventures -->

>Make your influence positive

>Mark, be honest. Is this not a little bit better than being dead? <!-- that mitchell and webb look -->

>May you live in interesting times <!-- english expression -->

>Meeting Disconnected. The AI detected an unexpected loved one. <!-- boy boy prison commentary -->

>Me? The one person I trusted most? <!-- poorly drawn lines -->

>Monster Island's actually a peninsula <!-- the simpsons -->

>More similar than different <!-- travel man -->

>Mother, should I trust the government <!-- pink floyd -->

>Multiple exclamation marks are a sure sign of a diseased mind <!-- discworld -->

>Mustn't grumble <!-- chas and dave wallop -->

>My disappointment is immeasurable, and my day is ruined <!-- the report of the week -->

>My Mill grinds Pepper, and Spice. Your Mill grinds Rats, and Mice <!-- Tommy Thumb's Pretty Song Book -->

>My name is Bolo Santosi, I am the leader of the revolutionary army known as the Reapers. <!-- just cause 2 -->

>My tables are so clean you could eat off them <!-- discworld -->

>No capes <!-- the incredibles -->

>NO ESCAPE, NO SURRENDER, NO WITNESSES

>nofkyo <!-- exurb1a - no one fucking knows yet, okay -->

>No kali-ba

>No one knows anything

>Not a hill I want to die on

>Not great, not terrible <!-- chernobyl -->

>Nothing cleans stubborn stains like suppressed anger <!-- Unseen Academicals -->

>Nothing Is True and Everything Is Possible <!-- Peter Pomerantsev book -->

>Nothing will be born from hatred <!-- Gesicht, Pluto manga -->

>Not my circus, not my monkeys <!-- polish phrase -->

>Not today, old friend <!-- the simpsons -->

>Not waving, but drowning <!-- stevie smith poem -->

>Not your keys, not your coins <!-- cryptocurrency phrase -->

>Nunc id vides, nunc ne vides <!-- discworld -->

>Obscenity is the crutch of inarticulate motherfuckers <!-- motown missile -->

>Off we go then

>Oll Korrect <!-- OK etymology -->

>Once you’ve been to Cambodia, you’ll never stop wanting to beat Henry Kissinger to death with your bare hands <!-- Anthony Bourdain -->

>One clown leg <!-- midnight gospel -->

>Only a sith deals in absolutes <!-- star wars prequel -->

>On the Internet, nobody knows you're a dog <!-- the new yorker -->

>Outside of a Dog, a Book is Man's Best Friend. Inside of a Dog, It's Too Dark to Read <!-- groucho marx? -->

>Peaceful sheep live happily eating grass <!-- close to the sun -->

>Pining for the fjords <!-- monty python -->

>Play stupid games, win stupid prizes

>Please don't ask if I'm a real seagull, I think it's pretty obvious I am <!-- Scott on Tinder -->

>Poverty has its freedoms; opulence has its obstacles

>RAID is not backup

>Reader beware, you're in for a slap <!-- goosebumps photoshop -->

>Reduce, Reuse, Recycle

>Rosalind's a fucking nightmare <!-- taskmaster -->

>Roses are red, violets are blue, Unexpected '{' on line 32

>Row row. Fight the power <!-- gurren lagann -->

>Run Joey, Run! You should be faster now! <!-- flashgitz -->

>Seldom surprised, often disappointed

>Shh my child... Let's not do to anything too rash...

>Shikata ga nai <!-- japanese phrase, it cannot be helped -->

>Shooting stars only <!-- the langoliers -->

>Should I kill myself, or have a cup of coffee? <!-- albert camus -->

>Sic semper tyrannis you fucking idiot

>Silver or lead? <!-- Auberon -->

>Six trombones is not a parade <!-- jackbox -->

>Sleep is Just Death Being Shy <!-- exurb1a -->

>Smells like white spirit <!-- john shuttleworth -->

>Snifters of cognac for everyone

>So it goes <!-- slaughterhouse five -->

>Some men you just can't reach <!-- cool hand luke -->

>Sometimes I work for the government <!-- psychonauts -->

>Sometimes maybe good, sometimes maybe shit <!-- Gennaro Gattuso -->

>Sometimes war dreams of itself <!-- carl von clausewitz -->

>Swansea is the graveyard of ambition <!-- not dylan thomas -->

>Tart baker <!-- midnight gospel -->

>tattoos of spaceships, tits, band names, tarantino, where did doctor marten study, tits <!-- misinformed -->

>Tea. Earl Grey. Hot. <!-- star trek tng -->

>Tell me what you want, and I'll tell you if I'm free

>Thanks, I hate it <!-- reddit -->

>Thank you for pressing the self-destruct button <!-- spaceballs -->

>That anime hologram's just not that into you <!-- archer -->

>That's a maniac standpoint <!-- Enter Shikari -->

>That's my secret Cap'. I'm always tired. <!-- avengers -->

>That's not theft, that's sporting spirit <!-- ayoade on top -->

>The beatings will continue until morale improves

>The burned hand teaches best <!-- tolkien -->

>The call of the void <!-- suicide ideation -->

>The egg bar is coveted as fuck <!-- severance -->

>The gaping maw of consumerism <!-- jackbox -->

>The house always wins

>The Industrial Revolution and its consequences have been a disaster for the human race <!-- uncle ted -->

>The mask is heavy today? <!-- calibans war -->

>Theoretical degree in physics <!-- fallout -->

>The patron saint of putting up with idiots <!-- leviathan's fall -->

>There can be only one <!-- highlander -->

>There it is again. That funny feeling. <!-- bo burnham -->

>There was blood in the kitchen, there was blood in the hall <!-- shivering truth -->

>The things you own end up owning you <!-- fight club -->

>The truth shall set you free

>The victim of a clerical error <!-- Richard Ayoade -->

>The years start coming and they don't stop coming <!-- smash mouth -->

>They only have to be lucky once, we have to be lucky always <!-- IRA -->

>They think your haircuts are un-American <!-- beatles interview -->

>Things won't always be this good

>This better not awaken anything in me <!-- Dean Pelton -->

>This inhuman place makes human monsters <!-- The Shining -->

>This is extremely dangerous to our democracy <!-- sinclair broadcast group -->

>This is my step ladder, I never knew my real ladder

>This isn't horseplay, it's a major felony <!-- Hudson Hawk -->

>This is only a test of the emergency broadcast system <!-- pennywise -->

>This meme is already nothing but a memory

>Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others. <!-- groucho marx -->

>Three men, two ladies <!-- psychoville -->

>Tiny Terry loves his pickles <!-- brooklyn nine-nine -->

>'Tis a silly place <!-- monty python and the holy grail -->

>Trust, but verify <!-- russian phrase -->

>Tsundoku

>Two hundred dollar, please <!-- psychoville -->

>Two lovers missing the tranquility of solitude <!-- that's entertainment -->

>Two steps forward, three steps back

>Use it up, wear it out, make it do, or do without

>Vado a bordo, cazzo! <!-- costa concordia -->

>We cook bacon, but we bake cookies

>We feel alone together <!-- feels good man documentary -->

>We'll burn that bridge when we get to it <!-- malaphor -->

>Well. I guess there's nothing to do but lay here and wait to die

>Well I'm not here to fuck spiders <!-- australian slang -->

>We're in a giant car heading towards a brick wall and everyones arguing over where they're going to sit <!-- david suzuki -->

>We're just normal men. We're just innocent men <!-- cbbc hacker -->

>We've all technically kicked a pregnant woman

>We've also arrested your older, balder, fatter son <!-- the simpsons -->

>What a digital dummy <!-- yu-gi-oh -->

>What are you screaming for? I haven't even started cooking yet <!-- Life of Boris -->

>What a save! <!-- rocket league -->

>What goes on in liminal space stays in liminal space, right? <!-- ayoade on top -->

>What's her name again? - Eileen, I think <!-- american dad -->

>What's it all about then? Seriously, when you get down to it <!-- discworld -->

>What we've got here is failure to communicate <!-- cool hand luke -->

>When should I start to worry? <!-- south park -->

>Where dreams go to die

>Who you calling a stalker? I'm not a stalker, you're a stalker!

>With all the things you have in your life, are you any more happy than your dog? <!-- ramesh balsekar -->

>wOrange, Orange, wGreen, Blue, wBlue, Green, wBrown, Brown <!-- cat5 network cable -->

>Yes, even if they ask stupid questions <!-- love everyone meme, no matter what -->

>Ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you mad <!-- aldous huxley -->

>Yes I can hear you Clem Fandango <!-- toast of london -->

>Yes, the planet got destroyed. But for a beautiful moment in time we created a lot of value for shareholders <!-- the new yorker -->

>Yes, there's a TV set on at number five, it's in the front room. They're watching Columbo <!-- TV licence ad -->

>You are being shagged by a rare parrot! <!-- last chance to see -->

>You are tending a plant that is dead <!-- star trek discovery -->

>You can't eat your cake and have it too <!-- ted kaczynski -->

>You don't need a parachute to skydive. You need one to skydive twice

>You guys have phones, don't you? <!-- diablo press conference -->

>You'll Own Nothing and You'll Be Happy <!-- Ida Auken -->

>You load 16 tons, what do you get? <!-- Tennessee Ernie Ford -->

>You need to work on your threats

>Your friends are having children on purpose <!-- reddit rastus547 -->

>Your proposal is acceptable <!-- men in black -->

>Your scientists were so preoccupied with whether or not they could that they didn't stop to think if they should. <!-- jurassic park -->

>Your stories have entertained me. I will let you into the cave for a short time. <!-- oldschool runescape -->

>You sound like my parole officer

>You stay, I go. No following. <!-- the iron giant -->

>You've got razzle-dazzle <!-- sun-maid raisins -->

>You want sympathy? It's in the dictionary, between shit and syphilis <!-- what the hell did I just read -->

>You will find out what we make at the factory when you work at the factory <!-- weird the al yankovic story -->

>You wouldn't find Hitler playing jungle music at 3 o'clock in the morning <!-- father ted -->